So this is probably my first article close to two months. Why was I gone for so long? Well, health issues is one thing (see: broken pinky), and the WC, obviously. Now, as Neil and Reubyn have duly written their stuff about it, I’m not going to do the same. Instead, I’m going to show you how to write for BM (or for any purpose, actually).
1) Watch others’ articles get published, and see the heaping of praises for him/her. Feel jealous.
2) That jealousy provides you with the fire in your eyes, and the incentive to write.
3) On to the drawing board - plan your article, plan its layout. The content, the title, structuring - the works.
4) Feel confident about the article and yourself, and tell yourself that you’ve done enough for the day. Since everything’s planned already, you have very little to do anyway.
5) But, but, but. Just before you’re about to call it a night, you show off on the BM WhatsApp group, saying, “Hey guys, I’ve an article coming up. Editors, check your inboxes soon.”
Which basically translates to, “Listen up, bitches. I can coax up a para or two as well, okay? Sit up and take notice of me!”.
6) Next day, sit down to write/type something. Ponder over it. Wonder what could be done to make it better.
“Hey, didn’t Maitri start it very well? I should try that. Or perhaps a normal, Christopher-ish approach. Oh, let me check my WhatsApp first na.”
“While I’m at it, might as well check FB. That idiot’s walling my crush too much, time to even the score.”
*call up BFF*
OhMaGawd, y’know what happened? The son of a good man started sending her Candy Crush requests. And moreover, she accepted also! Now she sends him lives and stuff. Aren’t lives represented by hearts? Oh sheesh, things are getting serious between them. I need to do something.”
*about a million minutes later*
“Acha yeah, I should go. Someone’s texting me. I have to eat also. KThanxBai.”
7) The dreadful conversation with Neil:
“Hey, the editors haven’t received anything. What the hell?"
*stare at your laptop screen. Holy schmucks, only two lines*
Coolly reply - “Yeah yeah, almost done re. Fine-tuning and stuff. Adding a couple of pictures here and there, correcting grammar, y’know chill.”
8) Panic mode, on: Okay, the disaster at hand has been averted, but not for long. It’s been three days, and you’ve only managed to write two lines.
“Maybe I should search the internet for ideas. Yep, doing that.”
*a hundred 9GAG posts later*
“OHMYEFFINGMORIARTY SHERLOCK IS BACK! AND NEW SPECIAL EPISODE! #221BACK #SHERLOCKFTW #CUMBERBITCH4LYF #OTHERSHERLOCKHASHTAGSIDONTKNOW
9) Rant about the same on Twitter/Facebook. See a couple of retweets and a dozen likes. Feel better about yourself.
10) “Hey, where in the world is your article?”- Neil Nagwekar.
11) KA-BOOOM. Reality strikes you. You need to do something, and that too fast.
“Arey bro, Wi-Fi’s gone for a toss, tomorrow morning it’ll be sorted. Pakka. Pinky swear.”
12) You end up writing your article in your Physics class, as I am doing right now. You snigger when you hear “tap the jockey”, and think of all the inappropriate stuff it could lead to.
13) Hush. It’s done. It’s over. You’ve managed to write something. You’re a boss. You’re the freakin' (wo)man. (y)
On a more serious note, if you seriously want to write something for our website, shoot a mail to [email protected]. We’ll make you an established writer. Pakka. Pinky swear.
-Mister GoogleHead (Follow on Twitter @Mr_GoogleHead)
1) Watch others’ articles get published, and see the heaping of praises for him/her. Feel jealous.
2) That jealousy provides you with the fire in your eyes, and the incentive to write.
3) On to the drawing board - plan your article, plan its layout. The content, the title, structuring - the works.
4) Feel confident about the article and yourself, and tell yourself that you’ve done enough for the day. Since everything’s planned already, you have very little to do anyway.
5) But, but, but. Just before you’re about to call it a night, you show off on the BM WhatsApp group, saying, “Hey guys, I’ve an article coming up. Editors, check your inboxes soon.”
Which basically translates to, “Listen up, bitches. I can coax up a para or two as well, okay? Sit up and take notice of me!”.
6) Next day, sit down to write/type something. Ponder over it. Wonder what could be done to make it better.
“Hey, didn’t Maitri start it very well? I should try that. Or perhaps a normal, Christopher-ish approach. Oh, let me check my WhatsApp first na.”
“While I’m at it, might as well check FB. That idiot’s walling my crush too much, time to even the score.”
*call up BFF*
OhMaGawd, y’know what happened? The son of a good man started sending her Candy Crush requests. And moreover, she accepted also! Now she sends him lives and stuff. Aren’t lives represented by hearts? Oh sheesh, things are getting serious between them. I need to do something.”
*about a million minutes later*
“Acha yeah, I should go. Someone’s texting me. I have to eat also. KThanxBai.”
7) The dreadful conversation with Neil:
“Hey, the editors haven’t received anything. What the hell?"
*stare at your laptop screen. Holy schmucks, only two lines*
Coolly reply - “Yeah yeah, almost done re. Fine-tuning and stuff. Adding a couple of pictures here and there, correcting grammar, y’know chill.”
8) Panic mode, on: Okay, the disaster at hand has been averted, but not for long. It’s been three days, and you’ve only managed to write two lines.
“Maybe I should search the internet for ideas. Yep, doing that.”
*a hundred 9GAG posts later*
“OHMYEFFINGMORIARTY SHERLOCK IS BACK! AND NEW SPECIAL EPISODE! #221BACK #SHERLOCKFTW #CUMBERBITCH4LYF #OTHERSHERLOCKHASHTAGSIDONTKNOW
9) Rant about the same on Twitter/Facebook. See a couple of retweets and a dozen likes. Feel better about yourself.
10) “Hey, where in the world is your article?”- Neil Nagwekar.
11) KA-BOOOM. Reality strikes you. You need to do something, and that too fast.
“Arey bro, Wi-Fi’s gone for a toss, tomorrow morning it’ll be sorted. Pakka. Pinky swear.”
12) You end up writing your article in your Physics class, as I am doing right now. You snigger when you hear “tap the jockey”, and think of all the inappropriate stuff it could lead to.
13) Hush. It’s done. It’s over. You’ve managed to write something. You’re a boss. You’re the freakin' (wo)man. (y)
On a more serious note, if you seriously want to write something for our website, shoot a mail to [email protected]. We’ll make you an established writer. Pakka. Pinky swear.
-Mister GoogleHead (Follow on Twitter @Mr_GoogleHead)